Are you in a relationship with someone who loves everything about you?
If not, then it's time to find a new partner.
The fact is, relationships built on things will never last. You can be the most perfect person for one another, but if your relationship is based on something other than nothing, there will always be cracks in the foundation.
That means that if I find so many things about my partner that suit me and that are my style and my way and my thing… I still don't know who my partner is. Because all those things aren't an expression of who they are—they're just what they like or what they do or how they dress or whatever else falls under those categories. And while I love those things about them because it makes them feel good about themselves… what does it mean for me to love someone for only being able to express themselves through certain mediums?
And furthermore: what would it mean for me to love someone just because of the way they look on the outside? Is that really enough?
The answer is no. There are a lot of reasons why I don't want to fall in love with someone who is only able to express themselves through certain mediums, but the most important is this: it's not real. It's not authentic. And if we think about what it means for someone to be authentic, then we can see how this isn't going to work. Because authenticity requires vulnerability—it requires you to show up as yourself without fear of judgement or rejection by those around you. It's not easy, but it's necessary. Because if we can't be vulnerable with each other, then we'll never be able to truly connect with each other on a deeper level. And that means that any relationship built on anything else is going to fall apart when the facade begins to crumble—which it inevitably will.
So why do we do this? Why are we so afraid of being vulnerable with each other? The answer is simple: we don't know how. We've been taught that vulnerability is weakness and that it's something to be avoided at all costs. So when we're faced with the choice of showing up as ourselves or putting on a mask, we go for the mask every time.
The thing is, vulnerability isn't weakness. It's strength. It takes courage to be vulnerable—to let someone else see all of your flaws and shortcomings and still love you as they do their own. And it's only when we're willing to drop our masks and show up as ourselves that we can truly connect with each other on a deeper level. But being vulnerable doesn't just mean showing your weaknesses. It also means showing the world who you truly are. It means letting go of the idea that there's a perfect version of yourself out there and embracing the fact that this is all we get—this flawed, messy human life filled with all its failures and successes. When we let go of our masks and accept ourselves for who we actually are.
However there is another thing we need to consider because when you're talking to people about your life and open yourself up it can be tricky
You want to be vulnerable, but sometimes it does get lonely and you just want to be heard. And then you end up oversharing just someone who's going to use your words against you.
There’s a saying "love covers a multitude of sin, but gossip separates even the best of friends."
I've learned that you don't talk bad about the people you love, and I found that some people genuinely struggle with it—they can't stop themselves from gossiping about others, so they try to control the narrative around those people by spreading rumors and lies. And that's poison!
What I've learned when it comes to relationships is that the people we choose to have in our life they need to be the kind of people who will cover us when we make mistakes and get off track. You should have friends who are willing to stick by you through thick or thin because they know who YOU are at your core—they know what kind of person YOU are and what YOU stand for, so they're not going anywhere no matter how much mess happens along the way.
I think it's important to have some friends who will tell you when you're wrong and hold you accountable for your actions, but at the same time, I don't think we should be surrounding ourselves with people who are constantly pointing out our flaws. The truth is that no one is perfect—we all have things about ourselves that we need to work on in order to grow as individuals.
Let’s recap :
Love someone for who they are and not what they do or how they look.
Love is not just a feeling. Love is a decision you make every single day when you choose to see past the negative things your partner does to everything else that's wonderful about them.
Stop trying to change your partner. Love them for who they are.
Choose to be with someone who knows how to love, even if it's just one person at a time and especially if it's you.
Be with someone who will never get tired of choosing you again and again, despite every imperfection that annoys them about you, because of everything else that makes you worth loving.
The next time you fall in love with someone, don't fall in love because of their looks or personality or because you think they might be good for you… fall in love with the person because you can't imagine being anything less than happy loving them for the rest of your life.
Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.
If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
The truth is that no one is perfect
Don’t gossip
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